I am the only professor in the department who doesn't know his/her office phone number.
My phone is in the drawer. Call my cell phone.
I refuse to use the University email system. I still use gmail exclusively.
I am the newbie, so I am the only professor in the dept who has to park a zillion miles away and walk.
I am the only professor who doesn't have a desktop computer. Even though they'd let me put in on my startup, I don't want one. Too much hassle.
As far as I can tell, I have the best summer attendance record of the faculty in the department. Not sure that's a good thing.
I'm the only person who has never been on a faculty search committee, so I am the only one who is excited to see how that particular sausage gets made. Everyone else is jaded, probably justifiably, and laughs at my enthusiasm.
I'm the only person I know who brings his dog to his office. I think I might be getting dirty looks when I do that.
I need a good book on the Theory of Mentoring.
I get a tiny thrill when undergraduates call me "Professor." Although a pedantic voice in my head wants to correct them and say "Technically I am an Assistant Professor."
I still don't have the whiteboard in my office I asked for a year ago. I wonder where it is. Probably time to nag someone.
I still have not been propositioned by an undergraduate in exchange for a grade, slept with a student, fought viciously with anyone over space, written a devastating book review of the guy next door, or spent a whole semester coming in to work and sleeping in my office all day, or any of the other stereotypical things professors do in movies. I don't have elbow pads or a tweed anything.
I am the only person in the department with a protocol to do research in Puerto Rico. This will be useful in February when it is freezing cold here and 85 degrees in PR.